Robot Wars
The following is a series of emails I took from my work inbox. A new team member and I are trying to build a robot to attack the design team, using my new LEGOS Mindstorm NXT kit. To say the least, we aren't doing so hot.
Here they are, in order from start to finish:
Robot Report: Day 1
Our initial prototype, the Bumblebee, which was a Russian Class robot, was scrapped before programming due to inefficient and unstable design.
The second prototype, the Jazz, a French Class robot, has a solid chassis that allows for sensor customization and a stable platform for future weapons development. Currently, it features the sound and ultrasonic sensors, though the production team fully intends to implement touch as well as customized sound recordings for maximum effect. If possible, the light sensor will also be added as an aesthetic treat.
Our initial attempt at programming led to mixed results. The interface is simple and was quickly grasped, though we failed to get a firm hold on the subtle nuances of the code. Our first priority is to unravel the complexity of the looping code script, to allow for a more consistent, intelligent robot.
The design for Jazz called for a simple string of events. As designed, it would:
1.) Move forward for x seconds
2.) Stop until given vocal command
3.) Loop until touch sensor was depressed (and in later iterations, until the ultrasonic sensor detected an object within 1 foot)
4.) Stop and alert Master of an Object
5.) Turn around
6.) Return to base
7.) Alert Master of success
We were unable to halt the loop, which as we listed above, is our primary concern at this moment. Once the programming software is tweaked, we believe Jazz can be promoted to Soundwave, still within the French class.
Our ultimate goal is to send the robot on a sortie from Production to Design to either destroy the Design Legos Fortress, or to kidnap a figurehead. Stay tuned.
grant
Defending the Homefront: Day 1
In order to prepare for the forthcoming mobilization of the robot heathen army, the design pit has begun to research means for defense.
Our initial prototype, "doing nothing at all" (codenamed Project Zero), has thus far seen tremendous success. The Lego Fortress still stands firmly in place, and Jesus and Mike Wozowski both continue their drunken escapades, unharmed.
The design for the Project Zero defense system is as follows:
1. Watch Team Fortress videos
2. Lie on the couch reading gaming magazines
3. Laugh at the sound of Grant and Chuck's screams of disappointment coming from the stairwell
Should these measures not suffice, we will fall back on the most ingenious element of Project Zero's design:
4. The Lego Fortress and Team Drunken Jesus are each four feet off the ground. Not even an all-terrain ski can solve that problem for the robot army.
More reports to follow, as conditions change.
Justin
Robot Report: Day 2
It appears now, all too late, that we were terribly wrong in our assumptions about the robot. What appeared to be no more than a harsh and cruel moniker handed down from our foes in Design turned out to be true. Indeed, truer words have never been spoken. The heathen robots, as that is we will forever refer to them, may have already won before the war could even begin.
In our naivety, we assumed initially that the robot's steep learning curve and un-intuitive control interface were merely stepping stones to domination. Oh fie! Robot why must you crush spirits like skulls under treads? It isn't the learning curve that is the robot's main offensive weapon, no, that is merely a devious flanking gesture meant to bury the sword to its hilt in our bellies. Its real devilry is hidden within its price -- as nerds and bored men and women read about its promise, its simplicity, and the allure of robotic servants, more shall be purchased. And then it shall be too late! At $300 a piece, the LEGOS Corporation, the evil Danes(we should have known!) will shatter the world's economy. They will slowly seed the Earth with the heathen robots, and then it shall be too late. We will be defenseless.
I fear now I have said too much, but it is better to die on one's feet than sitting down. Design has sent us a white flag of truce of sorts, several links to tutorials, but I know not whether to trust them, as they may be merely gloating over our defeat. I am shamed enough -- I cannot stomach further dishonor.
This may be my final transmission. Beware the heathen robot -- I fear my fate is not unique.
Grant
Senior Programmer
Jazz Project, French Class
Robot Report: Day 2 (continued)
We have taken the following measures, I suggest you do the same...
How to Survive a Robot Uprising
Chuck Hoover
Senior Engineer
Jazz project, French Class
URD Project Zero Report
The dawn of this new day brought great news for the United Republic of Design (URD). Word spread that the production heathen had hit a wall. With their engineering department in shambles, the robot production division had been disbanded with a great weight of monetary debt and pride damaging shame. With great relief, Project Zero was put on the back burner. Or, well, the acts of sitting on the couch, watching Team Fortress videos and making fun of Grant just go back to their original names of "Wasting time" and "Making fun of Grant."
However, if this supposed new ally of the heathen production is worthy, said making fun of Grant is renamed, Project Zero.
Justin
Director of Homeland Security
United Republic of Design
