It's Just a Game
An idiot wrote an article in the University of Oklahoma student newspaper my senior year about how World of Warcraft was addictive, as well as how it was ruining people's lives. She wasn't a gamer. Basically, it was the stupidest article ever. Below is the response I wrote, which was published on the student website for which I wrote. Remember, this article was written almost a year ago, so it's a bit out of date (specifically regarding subscription numbers).
I'll admit it - all of the skills I learned playing World of Warcraft have made me a better person, even if mainstream culture doesn't understand it. So what if we are "underground?" Last night I skinned my cats using my leatherworking skills to make myself some new shoes. Casey Klebba, SIN's Design Director, used the skills learned with his level 52 night elf priest (shadow build) to make all sorts of potions. He's not addicted to drugs - he's addicted to herbalism.
In fact, we are so "underground" that the 1.5 million World of Warcraft gamers in North America, plus all those in Korea, Europe and the Chinese beta (get ready for blurred reality!) don't even come outside anymore. Norman just doesn't compare to Ashenvale in Spring, though the Christmas additions were nice. In fact, I have no idea how I still manage to work 40 hours a week, keep my GPA high, or write articles like this. I mean, I'm not even using l337 speak with this - I thought I had forgotten my English skills. After all, Orcish and Taurahe are just so much cooler.
I'm glad World of Warcraft lets me do things I can't do in real life, though I'm not sure how long I can avoid aggroing my accounting professor. He should fear my chain lightning (level 32 Shaman skill. Pwnd!) The University of Oklahoma should totally incorporate a PvP battleground - I think the South Oval would be contested, the dorms Alliance, and the University Club Horde. You know, we'd get to drink there and /dance at the ballroom.
The communication between friends has been greatly improved by the guild system. Family members now know they have to log before addressing me, and they can only call me by my real name, Sturm. Mom, if you're reading this, PST (please send tell). Gold flows freely amongst guild members. We figure we've already left reality, so socialism is a viable option.
I still haven't purchased my mount, so I really hope the administration places a flight path between the Union and my apartment soon. East side Norman can be dangerous, and though some good loot is dropped, the mobs are often elite. There are also a ton of harpies and centaurs. If I hate anything, it's the damn Kolkars and Bloodfuries!
It's hard to find a raid group to hit the clubs and restaurants. You know, a 1 on 1 raid. My relationships with the opposite sex have taken a turn for the worse. Good thing my World of Warcraft girlfriend's undead warrior is hot - I think she's actually a girl. If she ever dumps me, I'll just create a female alt so that I can stare at her.
Halo 2 is just so November 9. It just never gave me the satisfaction of gold, power leveling, skinning, and owning the stupid Alliance. I hate gnomes.
Addiction can apply to anything - TV, alcohol, drugs, women, and yes, video games. It's a tad scary to think that a person might not have an obsession or hobby that leads him/her to skip a class, cancel a date, etc. Diversions are healthy if taken in moderation, because life needs a balance. Making assumptions about anything just makes you look ignorant.
If you'll excuse me, I have to slay a rampant demon.
Grant Rodiek is an international business senior and the Director of SIN. He is a level 35 Tauren Shaman, Gorefinde (PVP), Leatherworking 184, Skinning 251, First Aid 114.
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Best Personal Ad Ever: Responses
Below are the responses. My return emails are in italics. My comments are in (parenthesis) and bold.
Response 1: My Grand Theft Auto Love Affair
I read your ad on cl. I thought it was definitely amusing haha. I don't own a sword, but I shoot often...does that count? Anyway, I wasn't sure if you're even looking for a friend or a girl or what you wanted, but you're quite interesting haha. You sound well read also, which is hard to find these days. Well, if you care to know more about me just reply....I've been told I'm interesting. Good luck catching that pirate girl.
You shoot often? What exactly does that mean? Haha. How are you
interesting? Just curious...
(Notice my clever usage of "Haha")
I shoot guns, just hand guns, at a shooting range.
Theyre a lot more efficient than swords :) Anyway, I
think most guys just mistake being beautiful for being
interesting too. Well, to start I guess, im
intelligent both conventionally and unconventionally.
But I also know how to be quirky and im usually easily
amused, which seems to be infectious. I love cars,
mostly exotics and luxury cars, and fortunately Ive
learned enough about them to carry on a conversation.
I also like motorcycles, mostly just sport bikes
though. I have a Ninja 500r, im still learning , but
the thing is so awesome and fast and dangerous, its
incredible. I work with kids and for some reason they
love me. Theyre quite amusing and I always come home
feeling like I made a difference, which is nice. As a
matter of fact Im at work right now, on my phone, so I
shpould get back to torturing the children. :) what
about you...you have to have something interesting
about you.
(This girl could totally kick my ass. After no response, she followed up with...)
haha too much for you? or not enough?
(Not enough? Perhaps she should upgrade to the AK-47 assault rifle? Perhaps a rail gun?)
Sorry, busy with stuff. I'm starting a new job and getting a new apartment, etc.
I'd have to say too much probably.
(And finally...)
haha, I've never gotten that before. Just out of curiosity...what's too much?
(Probably the shooting. Yeah, definitely the guns.)
Response 2: I Clearly Need Help.
seek help!
Just for my amusement, and probably yours as well, what kind of person
do you think I am? What sort of help do I need?
If you dont respond you won't have another email from me. Don't worry
about the spam.
I think therapy will do you some good.
Why? Because I was bored and made up a story for my amusement?
Something that took 30 minutes total? I'm curious about why I need
therapy. I did it all as a joke. Most people around me found it funny.
I'm not angry. I have no idea who you are and it all doesn't matter.
I'm just really curious. You say I need help and that I should take
therapy.
Why?
(Come on lady, give me something here!)
when you say most people around you find it funny, is it mostly your
guys friend? I think most girls will find it to be stupid! I'm just
trying to help you! if you want a girl drop those amusements of your, bc
it's not working.
Actually, I haven't shown it to any of my guy friends. I did show it
to two or three female friends, one of which I'm dating. They all
thought it was hilarious. Granted, two of those girls are editors at
the magazine at which I used to write. So maybe they are partial.
I've done serious ads before and nobody responds. I mostly see CL as a
form of entertainment, and I figure hell, why not do something
different?
What would you suggest? What appeals to you? What makes your advice so valid?
Again, I don't see this as an argument, merely an interesting
conversation at 2 am.
I will give sugestion and everything you need to know in the afternoon.
right now, I going to get some sleep. maybe you need to get some sleep
or take a cold shower to cool yourself off.
Ha, I went to sleep before you even suggested it. And I'm VERY amused
that you think I need a cold shower, as if I'm some horny
freak.Thanks. You are one of the most assuming and pretentious women
I've encountered, and that amuses me.
I suggested you go take a shower bc it sound like you were mad about
what I said. and how do I know if you went to sleep before me. you don't
have any evidents.
(A poor misspelling! Now I'm reallying going to be a dick.)
Do you mean evidence? Also, I wasn't mad and I said that in every
email. I was quite amused because you never say anything or explain
your thoughts. You just say "you need help!" and run off. I'd like to
hear your point of view so that I may understand where you are coming
from. It's cheaper than the therapy you recommended.
j/k! I was bored last night! have a nice life!
Ha, ok. Have a nice life too.
thanks!
(How nice!)
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Best Personal Ad Ever: The Ad
Craigslist is quite possibly the best website ever. You can buy and sell anything, find an apartment or roommate, arrange some casual (and if you so choose, freaky) sex, or post your standard personal ad. I made up a weird story - I blame Horatio Hornblower. The story/ad I wrote is below. Check the next post for the responses.
Adventure/Romance for your Amusement
I paced the deck to observe the duties of the morning, part of my routine as 1st Lieutenant. The Royal Navy jack tars busily cleaned the deck. Discipline was tight, as was expected of the men of the fleet. The captain looked on, pleased with the events of the morning and of the crossing in general. The men had performed admirably and the French fleet and their privateers had not been spotted. Now the pleasant warmth of the West Indies slowly blew past their faces.
"Leftenant, order an extra ration of grog for the men."
"Aye aye Captain," I replied. The men let forth a huzzah and doubled their pace.
It made a great deal of sense then, that the semblance of order would be turned aside for the glory and tribulations of battle.
"Three sail on the horizon sir!" cried the young midshipman on watch. "French colors sir, it's a French privateer by the look of her!"
The captain nodded at me and I moved to action. "Beat to quarters lads! Sand the decks. I fully intend to have my grog tonight on our captured prize!"
The marines filed on deck with sharpshooters taking the rafters. The drums beat quickly, cannons were pushed out, and my steward brought me my pistols. My cutlass had long ago been drawn.
Our frigate outgunned the small, fast privateer, but she undoubtedly had a large compliment of men for boarding. And she was far more maneuverable than our unwieldy ship-of-the-line. This day would not end quickly.
Initial shots were fired. Our gun crews worked with precision and efficiency, though we hadn't disabled the privateer. She quickly moved to our starboard side and made her intentions clear.
"Pour it into them marines!" I yelled. I knew the sharpshooters couldn't delay the inevitable, but they could make it more difficult.
The first wave hit the deck and knocked back our front line defenders. I yelled as I thrust my sword into the air and my gun crew charged with me. I went for the leader, an agile and graceful swordsman wearing a mask. I found it slightly amusing that I would be fighting a masked pirate like the ones often described in the stories of my youth. How quaint.
The pirate was rather good with a sword, but my years in the navy had made me far better. The metal clanged as I beat back the attacks, parried, and made my own thrusts. It was elaborate and graceful like a dance, the passion of battle all around us. The pirate lunged at me and I quickly sidestepped. It was time to end this, though not before I humiliated the leader of my enemy. A quick swipe of my sword cut free his mask to reveal a beautiful woman.
I'll be damned.
"What in God's name are you doing here woman?" I demanded. I just couldn't fathom such a strange turn of events.
"Don't be so pompous," she replied. As I stood in shock she wasted little time to recover her position and close the distance between us. I came to grips with the situation just in time to bring my sword to her neck, but not before she did the same to me.
"What do you propose now?" I asked.
"You gentleman," she scoffed, "always making proposals."
She pressed her lips against mine, completely eroding any form of defense I had left. The navy was often lonely and harsh and I could simply never expect something like this to happen. She pulled away, smiled, and leapt over the side towards her own ship. Their retreat was sounded as my men made one final counter attack. I stood awestruck.
"That was some rather fancy swordsmanship leftenant," said the captain. He looked amused, not only at the sign of his victory, but at my utter embarrassment.
"Aye sir, thank you sir," I muttered.
"What do you propose we do?" he asked.
"Pursue, of course sir."
"I thought you'd say that," he said.
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The March of Your Own, Digital, 2D, Fanatic Army
Darwinia completely snuck in under the radar. Well, except for being mentioned on Penny Arcade a few times and a bit of Shack Hype. Plus being nominated for pretty much every Independent Game Developer Award. And being on Valve's Steam. Completely under the radar.
You begin the game amidst a viral outbreak in Darwinia, a virtual world created by Dr. Sepulveda. Darwinia's inhabitants, the ever evolving Darwinians, are facing extinction at the hands of the viral outbreak. It's a simple premise that pans out extremely well. There is purpose behind each mission, so unlike most RTS games, you will never be sent to destroy X base just because X base exists.
The designers really focused the gameplay so that there are only a handful of units to build, which is good, because you can only have a handful of units in your army at once. You are never charged for new units, because you are basically just re-starting a program. The lack of resources or economic penalty for losing a unit may sound too forgiving. However, your units don't move too quickly around the map. If a strategic point is about to be overrun by the virus or possessed Darwinians and you don't have a squad on site, well, that's punishment enough.
Your squads start out with only lasers, but eventually they develop/find grenades, rockets, and the ability to call in air strikes. Instead of creating four separate units, you only have to worry about one. These abilities (and those for other units) are developed by Dr. Sepulveda's research. You just pick what ability you want next and eventually it'll hit v2.0, v3.0, etc. These upgrades carry over into subsequent missions, but there won't be enough time to have them all. Decisions, decisions.
A few things made this game more than a unique strategy game. The graphics, though extremely simple, look decidedly righteous. It looks and feels like you are playing in a digital world created by a scientist who has spent the majority of his life locked in his room making digital people. I'm assuming. The music, a sampling of electronica (some of it that nifty 8-bit stuff that sounds like the Bad Cartridge Remix of Beck's E-pro), was good enough that I bought the soundtrack. Like in Half-Life 2, they used the music sparingly so that when it comes on, you feel like you accomplished something.
Lastly, I really enjoyed the infusion of action and strategy. Though you can order your units to an area and they will defend themselves really well, your units fight the best when you fire their weapons manually. This may make the game a bit tedious for some, but it was so different that I found it compelling.
A few strikes against the game for being tedious (yes, I just said it was fine, but it does exist), introducing a few units without a proper "here's how to use 'em", and the fact that it isn't terribly long. Oh wait! The game is only $20! This is a very good game and one that can be obtained in seconds at a budget price. Be a good nerd and grab Darwinia.
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